Target Acquired
by Negare
Summary: The Twins find themselves a new target.
1. 1 Welcome

**Author's NB: **Magnus is my favourite TF character of all time; I haven't been able to write him into much lately, so I thought I'd do another "twin" fic.

--

**Welcome**

Earth was awful. He despised the whole grubby little planet. He'd been here all of two days and in that time he'd been stuck in "mud", rained on, rear ended at an intersection of the natives' road ways, not to mention he'd been crapped on by numerous flight capable biological entities.

Oh, and then there was the huge throng of natives who were anti his species and while trying to drive through a protest he was cursed at and spat on… and he was pretty sure the brown sludge that had been thrown at him now running down his bumper onto his wheel was not what the natives called "chocolate pudding".

The radio message to his base had been received two earthen planetary cycles ago. At first it was cursory, perhaps even just wondering. It was open ended and not really directed at any particular Autobot or base. It was simply asking if anyone was there, if anyone was still fighting Shockwave and the Decepticons, if anyone had any contact with Elite and other smaller resistance groups. Ultra Magnus had commanded that no one send a reply until they were sure it was genuine. It was suspicious. Optimus Prime and his force had left Cybertron millions of years ago, and despite the rumours that they had returned to the planet on occasion in the last few cycles, he wasn't one to believe rumours. He wanted proof they were still alive and this wasn't' some trick by Shockwave to coax them from their hiding place.

Eventually he received the proof he needed to instruct a reply. Information that no matter how good an interrogated was, a Decepticon could not know. Magnus ordered the reply to be succinct and very non-descript.

So, over the next few years the Autobots communicated between each other. And finally, Magnus allowed for forces to head to Earth. While Magnus wasn't too impressed at any Autobot request for further troops – all cells had enough trouble, they couldn't really be expected to give up their own members for someone else's benefit if it wasn't going to help their cause in the grand scheme of things. The fact was now that Earth was much more valuable the originally assumed by the forces on Cybertron and if Megatron won there, he would win here, and then finally, everywhere. A thought Magnus had to entertain as being a contradiction to the cause. He packed up his troops, re-distributed their resources to other Cybertron based groups and they left for earth.

Here he was now, standing on the edge of a large cliff, dubbed "look out mountain" and scanning down on the construction below. Autobot City was the name one of the human companions of the earth based Autobots had dubbed the place. That particular human was now classed as the "Ambassador of Earth". Their awakening on this planet had thrust this small species into the grand scheme of the universe. They hadn't even developed sustainable space flight yet. Sure, they'd made it to their moon and even sent unmanned devices into the deep, but it'd be decades before they had any real decent information. That's what really bothered the now deemed City Commander, this species, humanity, was benefiting from the placement of Autobot science, and were being protected by them from Decepticon willed slavery and destruction, but there were an increasing number who were protesting their presence. The creature with the designation Sparkplug Witwicky had referred to it as "people wanting their cake and to eat it too". Magnus had no idea what cake was and certainly didn't' know what "eat" was, but Skids later explained the meaning to him.

"You can see my problem with this local, sir?"

Magnus turned from his thoughts and looked at the statistician behind him.

Prowl's departure with Optimus had been a great loss to the Autobot movement left behind. But it was good news for their goals that he'd survived.

"Yes Prowl. I can. The area around will allow for easy attack from the sky and the Decepticons aren't exactly known to come I by the ground".

"Bar the Stunticons, sir. But I suggest we establish sensors in these natural mountain ranges, at least then we will have an early warning system".

"The Stunticons?"

"Yes, Sir. A group created by Megatron since the awakening, they're designed after earthen vehicles and are rather dangerous. It will be in this afternoon's briefing".

"I should hope so. As for the sensors, I believe that will be an excellent idea. What of the possibility of installing canons in the ranges?"

"Next to nil, sir. The natives gifted us this land, but made it clear we were not to interfere with the natural ranges, they back on to what the humans call a "nature reserve", they were not happy about the sensor idea".

"They gift us land and then dictate how we use it?"

He grumbled, irritated.

"They are a contentious species, sir, Highly illogical in most respects, but there are groups that agree with us and are more the happy for us to terraform this area to our use and those who think we should be made to leave".

"Ah, yes, I have met those groupings. Do what you feel necessary to protect our new city, Prowl. I have complete faith in you. I have several briefings before the one scheduled for 1500hrs".

"Very well, Sir".

Magnus pivoted on his foot and after taking only a few steps away from the tactician he transformed into his new form, revved his engines and headed towards one of the many meetings and briefings he needed to be at to better learn the ins and outs of this new mission.

Within ten minutes he was driving up towards the temporary entrance.

Wonderful.

He thought has he saw more human protestors standing outside with a multitude of signs. A native holding a sign which in their language said "GOD HATES BOTS!" was screaming less then "Godly" words and waving their fist, a finger raised in what Magnus had been told was some form of unpleasant gesture. The human next to him who was holding a banner with "ROBOTS BURN IN HELL" threw something at the city commander. It splattered against his windshield and the red lumpy mixture smeared the glass. If he was a normal truck, a human driver, then visual range would be affected and an unpleasant accident would take place.

All he could do was inwardly sigh and slowly drive through. Those were Prime's orders. Of course, he'd be late for his briefings and this was unacceptable. The Autobot transformed and as the humans started screaming even louder – some in fear. He simply stepped over them, avoiding the need to wait for them to clear the roadway.

"Excuse me, please".

He said irritably as he reached the gate and climbed over.

"WELCOME TO EARTH YOU DAMN MACHINE!"

He heard someone scream as something hit him and exploded.

Despite the size of those creatures, despite his technology and his distain for their ignorance, it didn't make the explosive device any less damaging. It ripped through his plating in his bank and damaged his linkage; he slipped into statis and then fell backwards, right onto the crowd of angry protestors.


	2. 2 Inconvenience

**Inconvenience**

"Great way to be welcomed to earth, huh commander?"

The medic known for his often surly demeanour chimed as he removed yet another wad of shrapnel from the back of the city commander.

"The majority is just a plating injury, though one piece of the casing has penetrated and done the damage to your linkage, it'll be easy to repair but you'll be on your back for the next lunar quarter".

"That's unacceptable, doctor, I didn't come to this planet to end up on my berth for a week".

"Yeah, well, I'm guessing you didn't come to earth to get spat on and explosives thrown at you. Just be thankful the natives haven't figured out the mechanics of fission expressionary weapons. Now, I'm also guessing you don't know much about me, sir, so I'm gonna make it easy for you and just sedate your linkage so your arse will be plastered to this berth, got it?"

Ratchet said it with such a clam voice it was almost unbelievable.

"I'm well aware of your credentials and your reputation, doctor, now if you please, I'll be heading back to work".

"Sure, if that's what you want, go for it".

The medic placed one of his implements down on the tray beside the berth. Chuckled, then left.

Magnus only then realising he could not get up.

"Get back here doctor!"

Magnus growled.

"I can't heeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yooooooooooooooooouuuuuu".

The lights went out and the city commander was left to his thoughts and an empty med bay.

--

His internal chronometer told him that it had been three of the human time designations, hours. That was when he heard the doors swish open and footsteps. His skill honed by millions of years of battle hardened experience told him two had entered.

"Man, we are going to really piss of the doc!"

"Hehehe, absolutely!"

The commander wasn't able to turn his head and found all he could do was grumble loudly.

"Who's there? Ratchet? I swear to Primus if you don't reconnect my linkage I'll…"

"OoooOOOOOOoooooh, what do we have here, brother?"

"I'm not quite sure, bro, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be a good opportunity for a prank!"

The commander had never heard the voices before, but figured they couldn't be Decepticons.

"What say we have a little fun and leave the Ratch man a little mess to clean up".

"Oooh, how deliciously naughty".

"Do you two have any idea who I am! You would be wise to alert the medical staff as to my situation".

He received no reply, bar a rather unsettling group of chuckles.

Without linkage he had no idea what was going on below his neck line. This was bad. What was worse was the strange smell that now wafted into his nasal olfactory senses. He'd smelt the strange stench before, but couldn't quite order his memory banks into a condition where he could identify it immediately. All he was able to do was curse and threaten those who were doing something he had the distinct feeling wasn't going to benefit him.

After five minutes of chuckling, giggling and statements like "this is gonna be great" the two left.

The smell remained.

Magnus lay there wondering how bad it was going to be. Linkage offline or not, he'd still be aware of any sudden damage to his body via his peripheral alerts. There was none, but that smell… it wasn't anything he was capable of making… it wasn't something that any mechanical life form could create… odd.

This was starting to grate on his nerves. He had always considered himself a patient mech, fighting a civil war that had lasted so many millions of vorns made him so, but lying face down, wondering who those two were and what they had done, and where the hell that surly arse medic was, well… he was not impressed. As soon as he got out of this, he'd be having _words _with Prime.

After another three minutes, the doors swished open. The commander actually gave consideration to it being those two returning. It wasn't, it was one of the medics.

"Oh my. Commander Magnus".

First Aide.

"Get me out of this mess, Aide".

He growled.

"Of course sir… but I need to just check over your systems first…"

"Do whatever the Pit you have to, as long as you make it fast and it ends with me getting out of here within one nano-click".

The younger doctor picked up the digi-chart and a scanner and did a quick check over his circuits.

"Your linkage has been repaired, but it's been shut down – however, it is functional, Sir, but you will have to take it easy for at least a month".

The medic had picked up human slang.

"Yes, fine, just get me out of here".

"Of course sir, just let me... what is that odour?"

"I don't know! Some idiots snuck in here and did something, to either me or somewhere in this med bay, so unless its going to prevent me leaving right now, I don't care!"

"Of course, of course, I'm just re-booting your linkage now, sir".

"Its about Primus damn time".

Within seconds the commander was able to feel and move his limbs, his fingers. He stood, slowly, his form a little stiff, but that would pass.

"Thank you, doctor".

"You're welcome, sir. Not that I did much".

"You did plenty".

And with that, Magnus left.

First Aide remained in the med bay, watching as the doors swished shut behind the commander.

"What is that smell?"

He groaned to himself.


	3. 3 Swiggly diggly

**Swiggly diggly**

Magnus had been rather annoyed to learn that he had been in statis for two days, and during that time had missed several long and important briefings. So, with a large stash of digipads and a hot tub of bubbling of a fluid similar to water he sunk down to relax and to work.

The reports covered everything from Decepticon personnel located on earth to human sexual behaviour and how their mating hormones caused all their aggressive actions towards others and the Autobots. There was a report on human culture and how the Autobots had infiltrated it. There was a report on the different paint jobs Megatron had – while Magnus read every line, he did think a report on the various deviations of grey Megatron had been sprayed with was rather mundane and unnecessary.

He reached down and dropped the finished reports on the floor, and picked up a mug of energon and chugged it down. It was refreshing as it refuelled him. Usually he wouldn't take any time to relax. He could do that when he was offline, was his usual comment about the matter. But, given Prime had told him he could either stay in his quarters for 48 hours or in the brig… and Magnus knew Prime well enough to know he meant it. He sighed and slipped down till his chin was slightly submerged…

Wriggle.

What was that?

He thought as he was sure he heard something.

Scratch scratch.

"What was that?"

He said out loud. He lifted himself out of the liquid and stood there, dripping.

Wriggle scratch.

Pulling his weapon from subspace…

"I know you're here, if you don't want a laser hole through the face I suggest you make yourself known".

Nothing.

His sensors alerted him to the fact there was no one in his quarters.

Scratch.

But something was there!

Stepping out of the bath, he traced the room with his optics.

Wriggle scratch wriggle wriggle.

There was nothing, no one there. No Decepticon. No cheeky intruders. No hippy humans. No one. Just Magnus, his bath and his gun.

"I must be going mad".

He grumbled as he did another walk around the three rooms that made up his quarters.

His gun was placed back in subspace; he picked up a towel and dried himself down. He then sat down at his desk and punched in a few numbers into his communicator. It beeped at him for a few moments before the image of the younger medic appeared on the screen.

"Commander Magnus, what can I do for you… _at this hour_?"

The somewhat displeasure at being interrupted was hard for the youth to hide.

"Sorry to bother you, Doctor, but I need to know how long it will take for my linkage to regain full function and whether or not there will be any other symptoms".

"Ah… well, as I've told you, linkage will take at least a month to regain full function. As for other symptoms, well… its purely individual, some report tingling sensations in their fingers, others say they have difficultly entering into recharge, while others say they have difficultly waking from recharge, others have issues with loss of sensation on various parts of their forms, others have issues with interface function and sensation, while some loose mobility and transformation, but all are short lived and generally disperse once linkage is fully restored".

"What about imagining "scratching" sounds?"

"Are you experiencing this?"

"Ah… yes".

"Well, I suppose it could be the tingling sensations in your linkage relays as they reconnect and then your CPU elaborating it as a "scratching" noise. Like I said, it's all individual. My suggestion to you, sir, is to just simply relax. Take time off from your duties, I'd be happy to write up a medical leave form, sir".

"No, that's not necessary, Doctor, I just needed to know it was nothing sinister".

"Well, if you have any sensation or concerns, let me know, Sir".

"Of course, Doctor. I will. Good night".

Before the doctor could reply the communication screen when blank.

--

The City Commander was walking along the lengthy corridors of the Autobot shuttle that had bought him to Earth. It had been built into the completed sections of the new city. He entered through the joins and found himself confronted by an immature human… a "child" he believed the term was.

"You're stinky".

The boy said rather bluntly.

"Daniel!"

The female of child bearing age chastised, shocked.

"My apologies, Ultra Magnus, but you know, kids at this age, they don't a concept of tact or good manners".

She picked up the boy.

"It's quite reasonable that one that isn't completely formed yet will behave as such".

He replied.

Scratch scratch.

Magnus stood there listening to the scratches, and was obviously very surprised that the young woman also heard it.

"What was that?"

She asked.

"Sounds like a swiggly diggly mummy".

The toddler laughed.

"Its actually my systems repairing themselves after the unpleasantness of a few days ago".

"Swiggly diggly!!"

The child yelled.

"Yes, dear, swiggly diggly".

"Well, Mrs. Witwicky, I must ask your leave, I have a briefing I need to get to".

"Oh, that's okay, Magnus, I understand, and call me Carly".

"Of course, Carly, good day to you, and your spawn".

The large mech walked off.

"SWIGGLY DIGGLY!"

He heard the small child scream, surprised at how such a small creature could have such a loud vocal capacity.


	4. 4 Fuzzy Shenanigans

**Fuzzy Shenanigans**

The city commander sat there with a pile of digipads in front of him. Prowl sat to his left making an exceptionally lengthy description of a discussion he had had with some human diplomat who wasn't impressed with the level of pollution that was being caused by the construction. He then went on to further explain how he expressed to the human that while their construction methods looked dirty, they were actually a lot cleaner then human construction methods. He then went through a superfluous list of statistics regarding levels of pollution in both species on the planet currently – and for good measure even added the Constructicons numbers regarding this subject.

Optimus was obviously trying hard to keep his attention. Recently he had been somewhat less enthused by the numbers and reports that his lieutenants were scripting. Since Megatron had up and lifted the majority of his forces to Cybertron, they had been rather quiet, they were obviously planning something and the Autobot leader was more concerned about Megatron's activities then where the Pit the wind was blowing when construction was taking place on a Wednesday.

Several other lieutenants that Magnus hadn't had time to fully introduce himself too were sitting around the large table. Kup, Springer and Blurr were the only mechs he knew and had served with consistently over the many millions of years.

Scratch scratch.

There was silence for a moment. But no one seemed to realise it was coming from Magnus, and the city commander wasn't exactly going to let loose his embarrassing secret.

Perceptor then began his report on something so boring not even Prowl in all his seriousness could keep his interest. The scientist, while being stuck on earth for such a long time, was still spoken of on Cybertron. Before the war got really going, he'd been the dean at The University of Iacon, which was the most prestigious on the planet. His reputation as being able to bore the circuit breakers free from any mech or femme was well known, even amongst the illiterates and the rough and tumble Decepticons.

Scratch scratch.

It just so happened when Perceptor was taking a pause between esoteric semantics. He looked up and around at the others in the room.

"I say, what was that?"

"Dunno, but I heard it before, man".

Jazz piped up.

The commander kept his vocal components shut.

"Its probably the shoddy construction processes".

Ironhide chuckled.

"Oooh, you're lucky Grapple and Hoist aren't here!"

Blaster replied.

The more "relaxed" amongst the briefing laughed. Perceptor looked irritated that his report was interrupted, Prowl looked irritated because the briefing was side tracking and Prime, well, Prime looked the same as before.

"Please continue, Perceptor".

"Oh, right, yes, of course, now, as I was saying, the importance of complete systematic regulation of confining systems regulation is…"

SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH!

"Man! Now I heard that!"

"I think Chairman Mao heard that!"

"Isn't that human dead?"

"I dunno, I heard his name mentioned on History channel".

"So he's gotta be dead if he's on that channel".

"Nah way, Blaster, dude, they've had stuff about Obama and he's not dead… and Steven Hawking… and Magic Johnson".

"I thought Magic was dead?"

"Nah, man he's got that human disease thing".

"Which one?"

"The only human disease I know of is pregnancy".

"Cosmos, dude, pregnancy ain't a disease!"

"Then why do the human femmes try to get rid of it?"

"Well, that's a whole different kettle of marine organisms… but…"

"Alright, gentlemechs, please, I'm sure Perceptor has some very important information which he needs to inform us all of".

Optimus finally drew his mechs under some semblance of control and they quietened down, the scratching no longer on their CPUs.

Magnus was greatly relieved on that one, and lent forward to pick up the next digi pad on the desk. Suddenly, a small brown ball of fuzz came running out from the joint in his wrist.

"What the…?"

Kup raised an optic ridge as the creature scuttled across the desk. Suddenly another joined suit, again orientating from Magnus' wrist.

"What are they?"

The elder mech asked.

"Man, why, they're our little fuzzy friends, mice!"

Beachcomber chimed. How he had gotten into this level of meeting, Prowl would never know. Another four streamed out from Magnus' elbow joint, rushed down his arm and onto the table, one sitting there nibbling at the corner of the digipads pile, the other three rushing all over the place. Six more came out from his shoulder panel and while four of them join their companions on the table, two decided to engage in biological reproductive behaviour on his shoulder.

"What in the name of Vector Sigma?"

Kup stood up, his mouth gapping.

Jazz and Blaster starting barking with laughter.

Prime sighed, quite unimpressed or stunned, as he had obviously seen more extreme things or at least, was bored enough to not bother about his city commander being infested with what the humans classed as "vermin".

"I don't know…"

Magnus stood and opened his mouth, but before he could complete his sentence at least twelve mice came jumping out. While most of them didn't survive the fall to the table most of them did manage to get down to his chest plating and began rushing about the place. By now at least 200 mice were running all over. Beachcomber was trying to calm his companions so as to save the fuzzy little friends. Jazz was laughing and Prowl looked rather uncomfortable and less the impressed with the unscheduled interruption. Magnus looked absolutely horrified, as Perceptor began scanning him and then made some comment, the number three thousand; four hundred and twenty six was mention.

Damn it all to the pit. The city commander knew exactly what that number was in relation to.


	5. 5 Mice, Men, Enraged Surgeons

**Author's NB: **Just worked seven days straight. Owies. Thought I better post something before I forget about this completely…

--

**Of mice and men (and enraged Autobot surgeons)**

"When I get my hands on those…"

Forceps. Mouse.

"… two little sons of cyber-whores…"

Forceps. Mouse head. Blood. Wipe.

"… I'm going to kick their…"

Tweezers. Mouse faeces.

"…afts so hard…"

Tweezers. Mouse whisker. Mouse faeces.

"… that their sparklings…"

Sterilising wipe. Mouse… _placenta_?

"… will be brought online…"

Suction. Mouse tail. Suction. Mouse faeces.

"… with dents…"

Sterilising wipe. Mouse urine. Suction. Mouse diarrhoea.

"Then you know what I'll do to those little slaggers?"

Pause.

"I'm going to gather up all these organic bits and bobs".

Pause.

"And ram them through their audios".

Flash of optics.

"Until they end up with the motherboard of all EFCs*".

Suction.

"Yeah… that'll be sweet…"

Suction, suction, suction, mouse urine.

"Then, you know what I might do?"

Pause. Suction. Mouse blood. Sterilising wipe. Mouse semen.

"I'm going to bolt those little bastards to one of Wheeljack's inventions…"

Tweezers. Mouse spleen.

"…and I'll then go buy that _scientist _a few two many kegs of that energon they serve up at the Iacon Memory…"

Forceps. Charred mouse.

"…and the say, "Hey, Jack, that thing of yours never worked, right? What you reckon was the problem?"

Forceps. Charred… something.

"And you know, Jack, hates it when people point out his inventions sometimes don't go according to plan".

Tweezers. Fluff.

"He'll grab his key card and drag my arse there to the bunker and show me just how well his things work".

Suction. Mouse spinal fluid.

"Then…"

Pause.

"**BOOM**".

Crazy medic stare.

"Hahah".

Welder. Fuse chewed wires.

"Yeah, that's the stuff".

Welding casing.

"So, Mags, can I call you Mags? Anyway Mags, what the hell did you do to get this sort of treatment from those, as the humans say, rat bastards? No pun intended…."

Buffing welder edge.

"Oh, that's right, your vocaliser is deactivated. Primus above those bloody mice did a number on your circuits. It's going to take twenty vorns to clean this mess up… _damn twins_".

EFCs – Energon fuel clogs


End file.
